I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
