The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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