i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dick very happy bro
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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