If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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