It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
love makes seman taste better
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
