so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
