whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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