So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
