Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
