upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
