All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
