just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
