I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
