What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
