So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
