when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
