I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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