I just saw a hot homeless man
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
