i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
