i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
