I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize