I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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