he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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