booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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