I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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