Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
