watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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