I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
