So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
