worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
