i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
