You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
