why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
