Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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