i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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