his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
