I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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