there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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