just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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