yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
