if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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