We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
