since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
