Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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