erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
