She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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