He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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