i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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