My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
