The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
