All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
