I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
