Someone shit on the floor
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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