I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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