We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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