Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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