I'm eating all of the evidence.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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