Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
