Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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