I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
