The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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