It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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