The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
