I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize