He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
