Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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